i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
