I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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