Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
