flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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