I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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