I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
