the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
