I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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