I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
