he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
