speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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