exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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