She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
