I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
