I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I currently don't understand fingers.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
