We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
