1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
