It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize