I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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