It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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