guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
