Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize