That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize