Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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