I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
