is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
