She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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