Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
