so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize