im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So apparently I’m into choking now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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