You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
