Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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