who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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