Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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