Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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