If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
