Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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