no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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