I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
