No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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