I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize