I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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