why didn't you poke me back
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
