I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
