one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
