I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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