Fuck appropriateness.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
