Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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