Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
