Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
