I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
