you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
