Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
