How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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