Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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