I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
