I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
