Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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