but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
