lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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