it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
