i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
