I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
