but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize