There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
where are my eyebrows?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize