I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sorry about my life...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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