If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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