omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
